Thinking things, Ex’s, People and Family

As you will know if you’ve ever read my blog posts before that when I get in bed my mind starts doing overtime and a lot of overthinking, much to my annoyance.

Just lately I’ve been thinking about everything including ex’s and what happened, I always blame myself but the truth is, maybe some of it was my fault but not all of it was and I’ve spent years blaming myself for all of the shit that went on.

Then people, mostly people who are good and those that I would love to reconnect with however there’s a fat chance of that because of course everyone has moved on, and things have happened in their lives since I last spoke too or saw them.

The people on my mind most are my family and getting used to another loss, and this loss is a big one, my uncle Darren was my uncle, father figure, idol, drinking buddy and best friend all rolled into one, finding out he had died was hard enough but then I had to go and identify his body which made it all real, and final in one foul swoop.

Then just over 3 years ago I lost my grandad Jack and I still feel the pain and heartbreak as much now as I did when he died, he was always there for me and always gave me advice and did so much more for me than I could ever express in words or any other use of expression other than just keep saying the same thing over and over again.

Grandad, Daz I love you both more than you’ll ever know, but I’ll do anything I can to make you both proud.

God knows that everyone fucks up, but they also learn.