Depression and Me
Most of the time, my mind starts working overtime when I get in bed at night, but not always.
I’ve cheated death 3 times, had really REALLY bad bouts of Pneumonia (which I was on life support in December 2024 because of) I’ve lived life with several illnesses since 2013, I try to enjoy life but me and my body disagree a lot.
People who know nothing about me, they think “There’s nothing wrong with him” and much more, yeah I go to Benidorm Twice a year but let me put it bluntly, that is 20 days of a full year were I enjoy myself and have a lot to take my mind off my illnesses, every other day of the year I suffer, I go to hospital appointments most of the time, I have tests a lot, not nice tests either… So to those of you that complain that I go on holiday yet I don’t work, I’d much rather be working and in the best health, they just aren’t the damn cards I was dealt.
My depression goes way deeper than the little bit of depression that’s visible to the naked eye, when I go to bed whether at night time or during the day, my mind starts overthinking and doing overtime with me thinking about shit I’d much rather never think about.
I have also suffered losses in just over 3 years with my beloved grandad dying on 28th Feb 2022, and then my beloved uncle dying on 20th April 2025.
These and any future losses will always have an affect on me whether I let you see it or not, if you see it, you know how much I cherish you.
Anyone suffering health issues will understand that I am not simply “on the dole, and spending tax payer money”. Frankly I’d rather be the tax payer than the one using it, it’s not because I can’t be arsed to work, it is because of my health and the cards I was dealt, some people don’t understand the term “hidden disabilities”.
My disabilities are very well hidden, but never doubt that they are there, because I guarantee you, they are there and have been for years, tormenting me and making my life a living hell, it’s a nightmare in which I am awake!
My depression like everyone else’s has its good days and bad days, but getting through the bad days is definitely a hard thing to do, I try to take my mind off what I’m going through by doing things in order to keep my mind off it and that, in all honesty doesn’t always work but they say that practice makes perfect, not something that ever works in this situation.
So to those who think mine and other people’s lives are easy and we don’t have to do anything, I think I can kindly suggest that you think again.